ouijaprofile (ouijaprofile) wrote,

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Gates to the White Fields

I've really got to switch the albums I have on my iPod. I mean, as much as Funeral is my most favouriteist thing in the whole, wide world, I can recite all the lyrics backwards and forwards at this point. In French. That's the problem with having a nano, (and a very old nano at that) you constantly have to swap out new playlists or things get stale pretty fast. 400 songs seems like a lot, but it really does not take long at all to get bored of a playlist.

I haven't felt like updating. I mean, it's not like there aren't things to be discussed, I just don't want to discuss them through only myself. I seriously put myself through the wringer last week, and I'm not even sure why - nobody really needed to listen to my self-depreciating nonsense, anyway, but thanks to the people I made suffer through it regardless. I just... feel really lonely sometimes, especially when my self-confidence gets knocked down. I'm incredibly, really; I can inflate my ego and self-worth to almost monolithic proportions with little more than bravado, but it all hangs by such a tiny thread. Even the slightest breeze risks unthethering it.

I guess the thing I still fight with is the fact even when I'm presented with opportunities to strengthen friendships and opportunities to create better new ones, I slink away for pathalogical reasons I don't even understand anymore. I have got to break them or I will drive myself to the brink - I mean, I'm almost twenty-one, for chrissakes. It's time to move on from all the things that destroyed me in my early teens.

So I haven't really been listening to any new music lately, per se, but I hav rediscovered my passion for classical and renewed my on-and-off curiosity with opera. A few years ago my mom picked up some Libretto's to a few famous operas at a garage sale, and (of course) Madama Butterfly was one of them. I finally went and found a version of the opera a few days ago (The... 1957, I think, Anna Moffo version, which is apparently not all that revered, but it'll do.) I followed about the first act of the opera with the libretto, and I can't think of much else to say other than the fact it's fucking amazing. I've always entertained the fantasy of going on a ridiculous classy date to the opera, but first I need to find a woman who doesn't completely despise the idea. There's always a catch...

Academia is an unyielding success. I am becoming bored. Boredom is the worst thing that can ever possibly happen to me - and everybody else around me. Life better get interesting soon or I start to do things about it. And those are inevitably reckless and irresponsible ideas.

hold me
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