So, yes, working from small building blocks does grant measures of success. I feel a lot better today, though I think the biggest part of it was that I just needed to get out and do something. I must keep this in mind for future reference and continue referring to it in moments of profound doubt. Also, I was completely right about the fact I can't go to the mall without somebody else, and am pleased to say that the wardrobe refit is slowly starting to take shape. It will, however, require more time,, and probably more paycheques, but that's going to have to wait until next month.
While on the communal poverty tram (ie: bus) back home, I ran into one of the girls I used to work with at HMV. The one I had a thing for, I should probably point out. I'm not sure what I find more embarrassing: that she recognized me easily, or that the best I could do was mutter an unconvincing "hey" back to her and then say nothing else. Sometimes I succeed wildly when put on the conversation spot, other times I fail mutely. I can't imagine it would have gone anywhere interesting, but I always complain nothing random happens to me while I'm out, and then somebody finally recognizes me and I can't figure out what to do. Whoops. I'll do better next time... I hope...
My hormones rarely take full control of my brain, but I need to figure out what to do with them, and fairly quickly. There's definitely a disproportionate amount of willfully celibate nerds out there, but I am not one of them. I don't even have the benefit of saying I'm sexually confused to my credit. My deeper and more powerful desire is definitely to have some kind of mutually fufilling relationship (as my whining can attest to, I think), but coming up on twenty one and still being a virgin definitely does werid things to my brain and my pysche. Sex isn't the be all end of life, and first times tend to be massive letdowns, but Jesus. I don't like admitting that it's kind of a controlling factor in how I approach relationships with women, (and probably why I find it so hard to have female friends) except in moments of weakness, but for the sake of my sanity and self-confidence, I can't help but make it a priority. I only hope I don't do something stupid because of it.
Fifteen minutes to spare. Am I good or what?
we'll just have to adjust